Another Bucket List Update (even though it's short)

24.) Do yoga with Hudson Leick.
25.) Adopt animals.
26.) Become more outgoing. (HA! That could take a lot of time....)

Dear Me

Dear Me,

You've got to not let her bring you down. I know it still hurts and some of those wounds never healed, but you're strong. Yes, she was a huge part of your life, pretty much your sister and being betrayed by someone who is family is really like a knife in the gut. But you can do this. You turned into an amazing person and you do have her to thank for that. She made you strong. Even though it hurt and it still hurts, you're strong. Because of her you met some extraordinary people.

And yes I know you want to get rich and famous and rub it in her face and secretly hope she goes broke, but you're a good person. And I know that you still wonder what it would be like if she didn't betray you, if you were still friends and still laughing about the silly adventures you had. But everything happens for a reason. She was only supposed to be in your life for that amount of time. She served her purpose. It's time for you to let go of her.

I know it is going to take some time for you to fully committ to this, but you'll feel so much better once you do. And who knows, karma might not be fully done with her. =)

So let go. You can remember all that you had with her and smile at the memories, but don't let them bring you down. Don't let them have power of you anymore. You've got confidence, you're smart and beautiful. Anyone who says anything different is wrong.

(You're sounding like Gabrielle, pre-warrior. Stop writing to yourself now....stop it!....I said stop!....)

Dream

Time for another installment of my dreams!


I had a baby boy. He was absolutely goregous. Dark black hair, bright blue eyes, sweet smile. I fell in love with him instantly. I bonded with him. I got to see him grow for a while and experience his first word. I loved him so much.


Then I woke up and I had this overwhelming sense of sadness and loss. And it's been clinging to me all day, wrapping itself around me. I physically feel like I'm missing a part of me and I can't understany why I feel that way. That beautiful little boy with his bright blue eyes is haunting me. How is it I can miss this little boy so much when he doesn't even exist?

I've had dreams before about having kids, but this one was just so different. I'm still clinging to the mental pictures I have of him. I think the part that is getting to me the most is in my dream I was nursing him. When a mother nurses her child, they bond. Maybe that's why I still feel this sense of loss? I don't know what it is, but I miss my baby.

Me and My Best Friend

For those of you who watch Grey's Anatomy:

"Wanna get a drink?"
"Sure, although it probably shouldn't be alcohol cuz I'm trying to get pregnant and apparently alcohol will make my baby have three heads and sixteen toes."
"Oh. Wanna get some crack-cocaine?" (Cristina and Meredith)



That is me and my best friend. We act like that. We talk like that. We've got a relationship that nobody understands because we can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking. Pretty much every Cristina and Meredith scene is me and Hailey.

We've been friends for nearly sixteen years. I can not live without that crazy girl in my life.

Random Scene I Wrote

Posting this because Kellie wants to read it....


"What if you don't come back?" Ares looked down at the ground, his hand still holding hers, still caressing. She could feel tears well in her eyes. His eyes come back up to meet hers and Xena kisses him softly. As she pulls back, a tear falls down her cheek. Ares reaches up and wipes it away. She bites her lip before wrapping her arms around him and hiding her face in his neck. He holds her tightly against him. They stand there, letting time pass them by before she pulls back just enough to whisper in his ear, "I'll be seeing you."



If you ignore the fact that I'm writing about a TV show, I think it's quite good. And I almost never like my own writing!

TV Characters (Yes, this does have a point!)

I've noticed that all of my favourite TV characters are strong females who seem to be made of stone, but can break so easily due to their past trauma. Every single one of my favourite characters.

Xena fought for redemption for her past deeds, but her past still haunted her in everything that she did.
Brennan puts up a facade and refuses to get attatched to people because of her abandonment issues from her family and she's afraid to get hurt.

They're smart and talented and fight for what they believe in and what is right, yet they can be hurt so easily and are constantly plagued by their past.



So what does that say about me?

Updated Bucket List

I told you it would be updated! The new things on the list will be in a different colour.


1.) Go to Australia Zoo and meet Teri, Bindi and Robert.
2.) Have Teri Irwin signe my copy of Steve & Me.
3.) Get a novel published.
4.) Learn to surf.
5.) Become a foster mom. (Everyone deserves to be loved.)
6.) Write a TV pilot and get it on the air.
7.) Meet Mackenzie Phillips.
8.) Go back to Italy.
9.) Visit Greece.
10.) Work in Africa.
11.) Join the Peace Corps.
12.) Help troubled teens.
13.) Run a shelter for the homeless.
14.) Ride an elephant.
15.) Meet Lucy Lawless.
16.) Get married.
17.) Have kids.
18.) Learn Italian
19.) Go to a Xena Convention (Yes, because I'm that kind of Xena-freak.)
20.) Swim with sharks. (Yes, sharks. Not dolphins, but sharks
21.) See the Irish countryside. (And not just the damn airport!)
22.) Learn to play piano. (Because my hands are too tiny for me to play guitar.)
23.) Go to Ozzfest! (Because I'm an Ozzy freak, too!)


There will be more added to this at another time. =)