Scared and Strength

I was scared last night. Beyond belief. To the point of trembling. I can't even remember the last time something scared me like that. I couldn't sleep. And when I did, my dreams did nothing but exacerbate my fears. Several times I woke up crying and gasping for breath. I did grab for my phone a bunch of times too; Looking to see if I missed a call or a text. It was the worst feeling in the world.

Two years ago my best friend tried to kill herself. She downed a bottle of pills hoping to escape her life. I don't think I've ever told anyone that and we don't talk about it that much now. It eats away at me, knowing I could have lost my best friend. And to have it almost happen again....

I keep everything bottled up inside me. I don't like talking to people about problems because I don't want to get emotional. For some reason I think crying is weak. But it's not. Crying is a sign of strength.

So I talked about what happened. About my fears and my dreams and how scared I was. She promised she isn't going anywhere. I believe her. But I'm still scared out of my mind.



Sissy, if you ever leave me, I will ressurrect you and kick your fucking ass, okay? =) I love you! <3