Wondering

So lately I've been having weird dreams. Two to be exact. The first one I had was early last Sunday morning. It didn't seem out of the ordinary. At least not at first. I was walking around the airport with Mackenzie(not out of the ordinary since she tends to pop up in my subconscious) and we were talking about something, but I can't remember what it was. It was almost like talking with telepathy. I sat down at one of the terminals and she promised to be right back after making a phone call. While I was sitting there a man sat down beside me. He put his hand on my thigh and asked "Is this okay?" When I turned to him, it was John Phillips, who oddly enough looks a bit like my father. I woke up with my heart pounding. It bothered me. I don't know what exactly it was that kept the dream in the back of my mind all day, but it was there. Constantly wanting to be acknowledged. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I'm still not sure what to make of it.

My second dream was early this morning. About 1:30. I was in that floating stage where you're half awake, half asleep. Everything seems kind of fuzzy. But I was talking to my mom about something, I think I was telling her about the dream I had the other week. She looked at me and said "Oh, well your father did something when you were little." I bolted up from my bed and began shaking.

I don't know what's real and what's not. And I'm not sure I want to. If something happened, it would complete the puzzle. Why do I hate my dad so much? It came out of nowhere. I was pissed with what he was putting me and my mom through, but why do I hate him?

I don't know....